Breaking up is hard to do

Sorry for the delays but this has been a hectic week. After 3 years and lots of work I decided to fire my boss.

He just became too much of a dick. The pay sucked and after all the pain and stress of the last few months I just got fed up with his constant whining and demeaning attitude.

I felt bad when he got caught in the tsunami. But he was already getting on my nerves.

He is just a very self-centered guy. He was upset that I was making him look bad. He could have cared less that I was doubled over in pain and unable to walk more than 20 feet without breaking into a sweat.

So after his last hissy fit I came to the realization that it wasn't worth it to work for this creep any longer.

Anyway. I'm back to writing and blogging.

I have some good employment irons in the fire and I'm ever hopeful.

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As of post time I'm listening to Vicious from the album "Transformer" by Lou Reed

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OCD SOTD - Where there's smoke

I personally don't care for it. Many cities and states have banned it. It kills millions worldwide every year. Yet one driven teenager is on a multimedia quest to determine why it gives him a boner.

Flamingo, I doubt that's his real name, gets aroused by smoking women. No not, women on fire. And Flamingo is definitely not hot for women literally on fire.

Flamingo loves women who smoke. He writes about female smoking and properties of female smoking incessantly. He takes candid photos of women on the street. He hunts down pictures of female smoking celebrities. He logs instances of women smoking on TV and in the movies. He networks with female smoking friends.

Oh, and he posts it all on on his website SMOKING WOMEN ARE SEXY!.

These crazy kids today...Did I mention that Flamingo doesn't actually smoke himself?

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As of post time I'm listening to Essential Mix 23 Apr 1995 from the album "BBC Radio 1 Essential Mix" by Portishead

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Public Service Announcement

You may have upwards of $500 sitting in your pocket or your change jar.

Apparently there was a mistake in the minting of the Wisconsin novelty quarter.

And if you can one of the two different flawed coins you could make some serious green with you erroneous silver.

Suddenly the room clears and piggy banks everywhere are violently violated.

Just thought you should know.

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As of post time I'm listening to Girl From The North Country from the album "The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan" by Bob Dylan

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OCD SOTD - What's a little murder between friends?

Today's selection for OCD SOTD was on the fence. Even I have my limits.

It's not that the site is in bad taste. It is. The fact that it chronicles the tales of mass-murderers in graphic detail didn't deter me. The sites web 'add-ons,' like message boards and postcards, are typical 'turning it into a business' mania for the OCD SOTD. Besides the HTML coding is so bad it more then makes up for the 'professional' aspects of the site.

It wasn't the smarmy comments. The author clearly has a sense of humor. But behind humor is ultimately truth. The author is clearly a little disturbed. But in a good way.

It almost didn't make the cut because in certain circles discussion of death and mutilation are passe. As you may recall an OCD SOTD really should have little importance to anyone other than the author. Once you are let in on the madness you may be able to appreciate the intent. But you otherwise wouldn't have taken the plunge.

But The Wacky World of Murder does meet all the other criteria. Incredible breadth, depth and detail of information. Crappy site design. And most importantly a clear obsession with one topic.

Enjoy. Perhaps you might like to wash it down with a nice glass of Chianti and some Fava beans?

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As of post time I'm listening to Elegy For The Brave from the album "The Transformed Man" by William Shatner

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Pennies add up!

In just three short days I have made $1.24 from this blog!

At this rate the blog will earn enough to pay for the domain registration in less than three months. I can fill my gas tank every 5 months. I'll be able to pay my monthly cell phone bill in a year.

I don't think it will ever be able to catch up to the debt generated by the Iraq occupation.

In any case, it does feel good to start seeing the pennies add up.

EDIT - due to contractual restrictions from certain corporate entities we are unable to actually speak our minds and expect to get paid.

I understand the stance of the company in question, with all the click fraud nonsense. However, I think that a company with a market cap of $115 billion can figure out a way to solve this problem without muzzling the little guy making a request for his readers to help support his humble labor of love.

Asking your viewers to help out on a free site is not exactly a revolutionary idea. PBS and NPR regularly ask their audiences to help out. All sorts of websites ask for donations. Their is an entire school of software distribution, called shareware, which is based on this concept of asking people for their support.

So, in conclusion. I was in violation of an agreement. However, I can't help but think that there is a better, more content creator friendly, method of solving this problem.

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As of post time I'm listening to Da Ya Think I'm Sexy? from the album "Happy Hour" by N-Trance

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Rainy Sundays...

I feel a little blue today. It just may be the rainy day getting me down. Or maybe I'm coming down from a sugar high induced by some of my favorite ice cream.

In any case I feel the need to be introspective. You can join me on this little exercise or you can just check back tomorrow.

For those lucky few that have actually had the pleasure of knowing my prickly self you are aware that I am a creature of habit. My predictability is legendary. Club sandwiches, TJ's Chicken Pot Pies and my morning stroll with my off-leash dog, Betty, to get our morning breve.

But I'm a walking contradiction. My entire career and history is about upheaval and change. I attended six different schools and lived in six different cities by the sixth grade. By my current age of 37 I have lived in 17 different residences. I have lived with 3 different women and been married twice. If I actually listed all of my jobs my CV would run 6 pages (I started working full time at 18). I have had multiple careers; television, marketing, IT, programming, DJ, newspaper columnist and Soda Jerk. Most of my adult work was project/freelance based. I'm used to reporting to different locations on different days.

Currently my life is up in the air with the chronologically challenged contractors, the odd-ball rental apartment, my unrequited job search, unfinished and unsold writing projects, programming deadlines, mast cell tumors and sundry major life changes.

One of the reasons I love my current home in Silverlake, CA (you can actually see a slice of our house in this picture from 1938) is that it reminds me of a childhood lake front home in Kimball, MN.

Kimball was, and still is, a small town. I think back to Emily Dickinson and the lifestyle of generations past. I have no way to compare but I think that my life would have proceeded just the same back in those days

As I stroll through my currrent 'hood I see the same people and dogs everyday. I walk into the Coffee Table in the morning and I don't even have to say anything. I hand them three packets of Splenda and $2.47 and they give me a delicious single-shot breve in a large cup. On my walk I may see my friend Frank and his dog Uncle Chi Chi. Or I'll run into my friend Gary and his son Gus. I almost always see Kathy and her english sheepdog Sherlock. Then there's the Silverlake walking man and the creepy bald guy wearing the black fedora. I'll see my neighbors Tats and/or Luz. I'll see celebs just living their life. My famous neighbors include(d) Beck, Traci Lords, Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani, Crispin Glover, Eliza Dushku, John C. Reilly, Kevin Weisman (Alias), Zelda Rubinstein (Poltergeist) and Tamara Braun (General Hospital). I'm sure there are lots more but these are the ones I have seen with my own eyes.

I think that, as a creature of habit, I would do the same stuff regardless of my environment. If I had stayed in Kimball I am certain that my life would be similar. I would walk around Lake Carnelian to the donut shop where I would get a cup of joe. Along the way I would see people fishing, walking and talking. Maybe I would spot the Mayor on his daily constitutional.

With the constantly swirling stress my defense mechanism is to get quiet and focused. I just sort of withdraw into my shell (yes, I'm a Cancer. I grow on you). It's very helpful and probably explains why I'm good at my various jobs. I can just stay cool and get things done instead of running around like a guillotined chicken. However, as I get older I am less able to cope with the tumultuous state of my life. I lean towards seclusion and I often talk to myself carrying out full discussions.

I'm sure that some neighborhood people think of me as the crazy bald guy that talks to his dog.

But my wonderful community draws me out. People wishing you 'good morning' as you pass. Dogs sniffing butts and romping. Stopping to chat with friends or watch the ducks waddling around the reservoir grounds. It feels good to be a part of something bigger and much more constant.

I guess that's why I'm so peaceful here. Wow, I feel better already!

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As of post time I'm listening to Begining To See The Light from the album "1969" by Velvet Underground

When I started writing this entry I was listening to Joy Will Find A Way (A Song About Dying) from the album "Joy Will FInd A Way" by Bruce Cockburn

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New favorite site...

This is not an OCD SOTD or even an OCD SOTD runner-up. I have added a new site to my 'Blogs I Read' list. Celebrity Smack is my kind of site. It has all kinds of celeb trashing and nip slips. But more importantly it's wickedly acerbic. Check it out

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As of post time I'm listening to Johnny B Goode from the album "Sex Pistols Boxed Set" by Sex Pistols

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OCD SOTD - Arnold says 'that's not funny'

Those gosh darn Jerky Boys (I have to clean up my language or I might make all my new advertisers nervous...aw fuck em). They set the gold standard for prank phone callers. Nowadays you can't throw a Nokia across the room without stumbling across some prank phone call (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) website.

The latest trend in Prank Calling is to sample some celebs voice and then wire the individual phrases to a keyboard enabling the Pranker to seemingly talk to an unsuspecting putz on the other end of the line.

HILARIOUS!

In this category two sites stood above the rest. They both went the extra mile by having multiple celebs and a wide variety of poorly produced and perpetrated calls. But the first candidate for OCD SOTD also had all kinds of 'humorous' stuff which really took it out of the OCD SOTD realm and more into the just another really lame website category.

Today's OCD SOTD has everything you have come to expect. Little to no design sense. A continued push forward even though it really doesn't seem to work. Lots and lots of something that has no perceivable value. There is usually some sort of 'business' purpose behind the site to cover up the author's obsessive compulsion. And most importantly a website creator who seems oblivious to the fact that no one is watching.

So with this fanfare I bring you today's OCD SOTD Celebrity Prank Calls

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As of post time I'm listening to A Pistol For Paddy Garcia from the album "Rum, Sodomy And The Lash" by The Pogues

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What the?!?!

So you noticed? -edit- Continue reading to find out why this blog has been censored

EDIT - due to contractual restrictions from certain corporate entities we are unable to actually speak our minds and expect to get paid.

I understand the stance of the company in question, with all the click fraud nonsense. However, I think that a company with a market cap of $115 billion can figure out a way to solve this problem without muzzling the little guy making a request for his readers to help support his humble labor of love.

Asking your viewers to help out on a free site is not exactly a revolutionary idea. PBS and NPR regularly ask their audiences to help out. All sorts of websites ask for donations. Their is an entire school of software distribution, called shareware, which is based on this concept of asking people for their support.

So, in conclusion. I was in violation of an agreement. However, I can't help but think that there is a better, more content creator friendly, method of solving this problem.

edit- I'm getting ready for some traffic. I have some good ideas and it may, will, get crowded around here. We're just days away...

Let me know what you think? Good? Bad? Innocuous? Enquiring Bloggers want to know!

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As of post time I'm listening to I'll String Along With You from the album "When I Look In Your Eyes" by Diana Krall

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OCD SOTD - Grrrr Baby Grrrr

I'm sure we're all familiar with the cliche of the older man hooking up with a younger woman. But it's not often you see the opposite (or if you prefer this couple or even them).

Today's OCD SOTD, UrbanCougar.com deals with the increasingly common scenario of older women hunting and bagging young guys. I personally think this is a good thing but when an over-eager geeky webmaster starts to spend way too much time on a subject, somehow they eventually cross the line into obsession. When they try to cover up their problem with a 'business' you just have to scratch your head and wonder.

The whole Demi/Ashton thing has been covered ad nauseum. But to the truly compulsively obsessed it's never enough. And when you add the raging hormones of some geeky loser who is desperately trying to get laid...fergeddaboutit.

Anywho. I hope you enjoy today's selection. Maybe it will help you. Maybe it won't. But in the meantime I have another notch in my OCD SOTD bedpost.

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As of post time I'm listening to Brazil from the album "Population Four" by Cranes

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Disclaimer

It's not often that your intrepid blogger feels the need to protect the innocent. I'm your basic equal opportunity offender.

If you bug me I'll squish you. If you're a snot I'll snort you up and spit you out. If you're serial cat killing, lying, deceptive, hypocritical, asswipish Senator Bill Frist MD (R) of Tennessee then I'll blog about you incessantly until you resign in disgrace and take Tom DeLay with you.

However it has come to my attention that I do in fact change some things to protect bystanders. As the Author, and sole proprietor, of www.fischhead.com I reserve the right to portray events as I see fit. Or at least in a way that shines best on me.

There is substantial precedent for Auteurs taking liberties with storytelling. Some are tasteful. Some not. Sometimes the changes are in keeping with the original work. Some not. Some are simply stupid.

But back to me. 'Tis true I have made some narrative changes. For example I didn't order the pizza the other night. My lovely wife, Jill, actually placed the order. I didn't pick the pizza up by myself. My good friend, and construction advisor, Jeff stood beside me glaring at the inept dough slingers. Jeff, his lovely wife Lisa and their three adorable children, had come over to survey the carnage of my, oh I'm sorry, OUR, home.

As the person responsible for editorial I had to keep the article focused on poor customer service and not about how Jeff's kids spread a fine layer of packing peanuts throughout my, I'll get it, OUR temporary domicile. While I am sure it would make for an amusing anecdote it really had nothing to do with counter workers failing to do their job. And I cut Jeff out because I wanted to provide a parallel to the Travis Bickle comment at the tag. I could be wrong but I think that if I'm portrayed to my readers as a lone madman that will hunt them down and kill them for deserting me they may be more inclined to pay attention. But that is just a theory.

In any case my, er, OUR, Lawyer advised me to post the following privacy disclaimer on the site.

Please be advised: Names, places, dates, plot-lines, chronologies, soundtracks, visuals, mono and dialogues may have, or probably have, been altered, edited, modified, improved, retouched, spliced, de-contexted and/or changed to suit the discriminating sensibilities of the proprieter of this website and blog (Auteur). The Auteur accepts sole responsibility for any offended sensibilities and sincerely and/or formally apologizes for bruised egos. However, the Autuer is not changing a single syllable without a court order.

So to you delicate flowers out there, put that in your Prada bag and tote it!

Thank you for reading.

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As of post time I'm listening to F*!#In' Up from the album "Weld (Disc 1)" by Neil Young & Crazy Horse

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What Bush really wants to say tonight.

I'm thinking this isn't very Presidential.

Click the picture Neo Cons. I dare you.

I really hate this smug asshole. Why can't the red staters see him as the drunk party boy frat fuck that he is?

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As of post time I'm listening to Burning Of The Midnight Lamp from the album "The Jimi Hendrix Experience Disc 1" by Jimi Hendrix

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OCD SOTD - OCD SOTD - OCD SOTD

I don't know what came over me but I am suddenly tired of a few things.

Bukkake. Mullets. Dumb Blondes (1)(2)(3)and idiot sisters. The 2005 Hockey season, or lack thereof. Girls with snotty attitudes (which goes back to the aforementioned idiot sister). And finally Donald Trump.

I'm especially perturbed by sites that feign OCD and lame news articles about supposed OCD.

On the other hand what really makes me smile is when an OCD site doesn't even know it's crazy. I'm especially tickled when a site tries to rationally work through the craziness. I think that, perfectly, describes today's OCD SOTD.

Where else but an OCD SOTD can you find an exhaustive listing of OCD sites categorized and grouped by all sorts of methodologies.

Wow, this OCD SOTD column is writing itself.

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As of post time I'm listening to Animal Song from the album "I'm Alright" by Loudon Wainwright III

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Not feeling funny today...

With today's big news I'm not feeling particularly smarmy so please excuse my lack of humor.

What could be getting me down? Today's not a Monday so it isn't Brenda Spencer's 25th anniversary. It's not tonight's State of the Union. I don't think it's the soldier hostage hoax...

It must be the cancellation of Star Trek: Enterprise.

I just don't understand. Was it the lame casting? The feable plots? The crappy metaphysical BS that tanked Next Gen? The awesome marketing and promotion? The obvious insertion of hotness?

Forget spinning, Gene Roddenberry is laughing, hysterically, in his grave.

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As of post time I'm listening to South Of The Border from the album "Frank Sinatra: The Best Of The Capitol Years" by Frank Sinatra

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Aww Rudy

No, I'm not talking about my adorable baby brother. My beloved Lakers have lost their second coach in as many seasons. I'm not really a sports fan but I can't believe that LA can't get it's sports act together.

Compared to the Dodgers, Lakers, Kings, Angels and Ducks the mighty Los Angeles Clippers are looking pretty good.

Why doesn't a city the size and scope of LA have an NFL team?

I don't really have a solution but I needed to vent. Thanks for reading. Now, go away.

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As of post time I'm listening to Maricela from the album "Colossal Head" by Los Lobos

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Up close and personal

Some things are better in person. Sex. Hockey. Music.

Others aren't. Dog poop. Fisticuffs. Celine Dion.

But this week I learned that customer service is always better in person.

On two different occasions I discovered that if you stand in front of some jackass rather than trying to get them on the phone they will respond to you.

On Saturday I ordered a pizza and some salad from my local pizza joint. I placed the order at 4:30 and gave them a credit card. At 6 we called and were told that it was on the way. At 6:30 we called again and were told it was on the way. By 7 I was livid and tried repeatedly to call but no one answered the phone. At 7:30 I went to the joint and stood at the counter. I had my pizza, piping hot, within 15 minutes. And they refunded my credit card.

I didn't scream or shout. I just stood there staring at them like a serial killer and it worked.

In case you hadn't guessed my dog has some health issues. On Monday one of her prescriptions was running low so at 8am I called the vet and spoke to the receptionist and asked for a refill. She said to call back in an hour and it should be ready. I called every hour until 4pm. I was patient and didn't raise my voice or get angry. I showed up at the vet's office at 4:15pm. I was out the door with the script at 4:18.

Once again I just stood at the counter staring like a serial killer.

The lesson learned? That Travis Bickle was on to something.

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As of post time I'm listening to Martha from the album "Asylum Years" by Tom Waits

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OCD SOTD - De-cipher this enigma

"Once upon a perfect night, unclouded and still, there came the face of a pale and beautiful lady. The tresses of her hair reached out to make the constellations, and the dewy vapours of her gown fell soft upon the land."

Although these words weren't written about Elonka Dunin I am sure she understands the reference. However, suffice it to say, Elonka has a cryptic problem and she isn't keeping it a secret.

DaVinci Coder Dan Brown has alluded to, and is basing the third book of his 'trilogy' on, it. Supposedly only three people know the solution although the artist says the other two were given false information. Only those within the CIA or their special guests can even see what I'm talking about.

So you're wondering why I would bother bringing this to your attention? For a simple reason. Elonka is a lovely woman but she is clearly obsessed with solving Kryptos and must compulsively post about it on the web. Why else would she be today's OCD SOTD?

BTW the quote is from Kit Williams' Masquerade

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As of post time I'm listening to She Has No Time from the album "Hopes And Fears" by Keane

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